Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Big Talk.

I sit in front of my closet each morning and stare at all the clothes that are 3X/4X and think of how I need to go ahead and box them up. Because well, I have outgrown them. Then as soon as I start, I have an anxiety attack. What if I do it and go back to my bad habits? What happens if this is not forever but instead for now? I have very low self confidence. The fact of the matter is, I put on a brave (fake) face a lot of the time.

In my forward appearnace I am this force to be reckoned with, in my heart and in my head I am an Ant that is waiting to be squished. I am waiting for someone to tell me, you can't do it. Just flat out "Good try, but you suck" Even shopping is hard, I can not get past the "I can't buy that won't fit" without even trying it on because I am convinced that I forever will be the Mama in the MooMoo.

Surely I am not alone in this. That feeling of being in the box, and needing a way out. I have never been a skinny mini, I will NEVER be a skinny mini. But I sure would be happy to remain the happy healthy me I am becoming. I have lost a darn good bit of weight but its not enough for me to find that image of me.

Maybe I am nuts, maybe I am cuckoo for cocoa puffs or maybe just maybe I am normal.. What are the odds?

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