In December when I secretly started to plan this diet plan out, I told myself "just breathe and stick it out as long as you can" That was early December before I put my toes on the scale. While out shopping for bad for me food for New Years Eve.. er um I mean for appetizers for New Years Eve I stepped on a scale, I am not sure why the thing did not start sending off alarms through the store or mutter "GET OFF ME!" but at that moment something inside of me clicked. I was killing myself. I was going to die if I did not stop. I had headaches that 5 Advil (at once.. yes I know its only supposed to be two. .my logic was Ibuprofen 800+ was what I wanted.. it stinks I know!) would not even dull... I had such pain in my head from my high blood pressure most nights I could not sleep more than a few hours and that was only if I took something to knock myself out.
I started to really look at Weight Watchers, I did it while nobody was paying attention and I swore this time would be different. I swore this time I was going to change my life, not because anyone made me but because my life depended on it. I have changed, and sometimes I think "Okay, but that person is still tucked inside, and what do I do if she sneaks out?" I don't want to find out. I honestly don't. I have worked so hard to lose this weight and for the first time I have seen an old friend that was dormant for so long someone had to tell me who it was: Self-esteem.
I have always been the happy go lucky person, I made jokes to get through the day because hey if you can't laugh with the fat chick who can you laugh with? Then without warning, I realized it wasn't that this was so hard to do, it was that I was too pigheaded to do it. Now, I wake up and I drink a cup of coffee, eat a yogurt or a bagel with apple butter (35 calories a serving!! how kick ass is that?!?!) I drink at LEAST 16 ounces of water and I clean up the house. (Oh man for awhile I would just wait for the kids to get home and Emily and I would take a nap... as I type this.. Emily is napping.. alone! I have not napped with her in almost two months! on Wii Active days when she naps I Wii Active but today is Cool Runnings and I am waiting for my buddy to get home.
I have the most amazing support system (a good bit of them are people reading this right now and I can not thank you enough or give you enough shout outs!), I have went from a 30/32 to a 22/24 (and I can see a 18/20 in my sights.. its not that close yet but dang it I am gonna get there!!) I am so excited about this, I am so excited that I am no longer afraid to move! I am no longer afraid of exercise or eating right. I am not at my goal and won't be for some time but right now at least I feel I can set my destination of success in my sights, and it feels like winning a Gold Medal in the Olympics, scoring a perfect 10 with the Russian judge and making all those people who doubted me think twice!
Yep, feels pretty damn good