The Calculator of Death.

What on earth is she talking about? What is the calculator of death. Well it is that thing that is in the bathroom, you know it. If you are female you have avoided it, and every 28 days you hiss at it. Ok maybe hiss is the wrong word for it, you cuss it out- you spit it out-and wish that 1000 Monkeys have its way with it. Yes, I am talking about the scale.

Than the other day I realized, its not the scale we hate. Nope, instead it is the math problem we have to do to step on the damn thing.

Big Butt stepping on small white object (the trajectory of the whole thing is flawed!)

+

Clothes--no wait--minus clothes because who wants to get weighed in clothes... ok so we have

Big Butt stepping on small white object -clothes

ok that's better...

-

Two pounds for the stress that the kids have put you under this week (no kids name something or someone its ok)

=

Your weight.

Yep, its a math problem.. now things that will effect your weight on this scale, some positive some not so positive:

a) your balance is off today take 1 pound off

b) You have had a rough morning/afternoon or evening take 1 pound off

c) You fit in the skinny jeans gain a pound for being a bitchy and owning skinny jeans

d) You sang in the shower which is exercising take off 1 pound

and

e) You gave it up when you were crawling into bed exhausted but dammit its a wifely duty

minus 3 pounds for a good deed.

That's it I am now shaped more like this in my mind.. go me: