Tuesday, April 13, 2010


This is not a lecture, this is not a lecture instead it is more of a self help pep talk. For me. As you guys all know, and if you don't why are you reading this? I started Weight watchers in January at a whopping 321 lbs. I am now at 246 lbs and still a WAY WAY WAY WAY from being fit. I should be ashamed of myself for even posting that number on here, but to me at this point that is progress. And progress is something that a) I am incredibly proud of and b) people around me are proud of.

So, as I sit here still fat, I can finally admit that I got to that point that I needed a wake up call. The fact is I am not getting any younger, if anything each day I wake up and take a breath I am that much older then the day before. So, why now am I thinking of mortality? Yesterday, I found out a classmate of mine died of a massive heart attack. While we were never "friendly" in school (and to be honest at times he was a little over the top for me--I was a bit of a nerd. I would be amazed if more then 40 people remembered me from my senior class seriously...) I was not a jock, I did do flag corps (which sort of cemented the dork title), I was friendly but scared to death, but I was me and really did not care if you loved me or spoke crap about me behind my back. My point for myself was that I was a good person, I wasn't one of those people who got thrills from hurting people and if anyone--even an enemy--needed something I was your girl.

I am off track-forgive me. Back to my classmate, at 39 years old this man is now gone due to a massive heart attack. I am sad that the dash on his tombstone for his life is so small, 39 years is just when life starts. I am sad that (from the unconfirmed stories I have heard) the last few years of his life have not been a picnic. I am sad that it took something like this to shake me to the core to realize that life IS short, and tomorrow is not promised. That 2010 is epic because in 2011 when I turn 40 I want to know life is JUST starting not ending. I have lived a life full of memories and love, I have lived a good life, but I have not had a complete life. Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

Rest in Peace Jeff 1970-2010, may Heaven shine a little brighter thanks to your smile.

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