Life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Life is funny no? We spend all our time going through our life in the "time to make the doughnuts" fashion. We get up, we move through the day, and we go to bed. Life for the most part has the same few notions, we just work our way through the day. Seldom do we remember to take some me time, because let's face it.. who has time?

So in the past few months, I have regained my life. I am not talking about my metephorical life, instead I am speaking of years on my life. When I started this I was on Blood pressure meds in December my blood pressure at one point was 191/105. I am only 38 years old. That is crazy in major ways! By losing this weight I have gained years back on my life. I ran up stairs last night. I have not run in so long I was shocked I did it.

Liberty because I have the ability to do things that were impossible before, I can catch up with my 2 year old. in December that was not a possibility, such a BIG difference in my world. I am liberated and able to do things that a few months ago were not possible. This matters to me!

Pursuit of happiness, obvious. Iam happier. Iam not struggling to move, my body no longer hurts. This is a difference and obviously a happy one. Thank Goodness we are heading to this point. Thank Goodness after so long, I can say that I smile and mean it :o)~

That dreaded 5K

So, if you have been following me, and not just because I have given two great giveaways (btw will the people with the 1000 calorie boxes please email me or I will have to give your prizes to someone else.. thanks!) I have been fighting this dreaded 5K. I want to do one, I know I am fully capable of doing one, but at the same point there are a few things holding me back:

1) Money. Most of them require you pay an enterance fee, right now that is not possible for me to do. While I can justify that it is for a good cause, the bottom line is I don't have the extra to spare.

2) I am afraid of failing in front of thousands of people. What happens if I make the effort and I fail? What would that do for my esteem? I know I know it makes no sense. But no matter how much weight I lose I will always be that fat person trying to get out. The fact is, while I am brave on the exterior I am a chicken on the inside.

3) Time. See, Chuck has drill, the kids have activities.. and everytime one pops up.. ok who are we kidding this is another excuse.

So, I got to thinking (did you all see the smoke? I know you did) that maybe instead of walking one that is set, what is wrong with me walking one with some friends? Maybe try and get some friends together and walk a 5K, no rush no hurry just some friends supporting each other in a walk. It is truly not a matter of knowing whether or not I can do it, its finding the inspiration to get it done.

I will be 39 on June 7, and I have never done anything that will require something so physical from myself (I used to use the Asthma card in PE to get out of the 600, how is that for honest?). I am not against doing this, I just need some help. Is there anyone who wants to help me take this journey? Walk a 5K with me, and if and ONLY if someone wants to donate to a jar we will give the money to CHERUBS - The Association of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Research Awarenes. This is the horrible disease that took my son Matthew and maybe with some inspiration I can say part of me is doing this walk for him in what would have been his 20th year.

Once one, two or three people say they want to join me, we will pick a date and get going. So, anyone wanna help a girl out?

Mountains 21-30

It seems to me like these mountains are getting bigger. I have not conquered all of them or anywhere close to them. But I do have a few more so let's see what I can answer:

Mountain 21- Participate in a blog or group about weight loss, hope to help someone out. Ok I think thats a double check i have this and I have a FB group now. Go me.

Mountain 22- Make more meals at home then out of the house--huge check off. We eat nearly every meal at home and the best part is I know the cooks and I know what is going inside the meal. This is working up and down the mountain.

Mountain 23- Create a menu for meals at home, not just for me but for the family, stick to them. We have been doing this since January and it has worked for us. We found out a few things 1) I love my stove 2) the kids seem to prefer homemade over store bought.. who knew??

Mountain 24- Wear my bathing to the beach and not cringe thinking someone behind me is making whale noises. So mastered that mountain. Three times now!!

Mountain 25- help a friend start their weight loss journey. I have done this mountain, I have friends who ask "What are you doing? how are you doing it?" and I have asnwered. its been great too!!

Mountain 26- working out even when I didnt feel the desire. This is a huge mountain for me. moving and I are not friends, so getting up and just doing it (I feel like the nike symbol) is huge for me. Mountain is now a hill.

Mountain 27-Changing my attitude, this one is a work in progress. I am at the top of the mountain.. I am just trying to coast down.

Mountain 28- Taking on new challenges. Prior to my lifestyle change I would never have even entertained the idea of walking or exercising. These new challenges have changed me.. and this mountain had its tail kicked.

Mountain 29- When angry or sad, working out not eating. This one is huge . I am an emotional eater.. things get me going. I eat.. now I work out. I like this much better!!

Mountain 30- Beans,veggies and other things previously deemed yucky are not yucky! I even made the black bean brownies (odd but good)

10 more mountains conquered but tomorrow we will start on the ones that I need to get to.. wish me luck...

Mountains 11-20

As I sit here tonight, I have the song "Ain't no mountain high enough" running through my head. This has been a wild week, and a wild ride. Am I insane? No, I promise I am not.. cuckoo for cocoa puffs though.. you betcha. Let's get back to my mountains shall we?

Mountain 11: Learning to not live to eat, but instead to eat to live. I eat but I eat in small amounts and it works for me. I do what I need to do. Mountain is now dust!

Mountain 12: Confront my fears... I wore a mini skirt last week. My first since high school. yes, I did ask everyone who walked by if my hind parts were hanging out but I WORE it!! Mountain is down one more level.

Mountain 13: Getting rid of the clothes that I outgrew. I got rid of (so far 5 trashbags and 3 boxes) Progress? You betcha. will I be wearing a barrel soon? You betcha.

Mountain 14: Walk more than 1 mile. DONE you hear me.. DONE! Mountain obliterated... damn I am good.

Mountain 15: Restraint on a holiday. I didn't eat everything that wasn't nailed down on Easter. I still have half my chocolate bunny left. Up and over I go!

Mountain 16: Find a release for my energy.... oh yeah I have.. :oP I now walk, workout, exercise. play with my kids. I MOVE and I love it! That Mountain is dusted

Mountain 17: Lose my "Why are they laughing at me" paranoia. I have always felt the world is giggling at me. Now, I hold my head up and I walk. I can do it. Yes Sir I can! mountain is hit!

Mountain 18: Buy something cute and have the balls to wear it. Ahem this is my favorite and I so conquered it.

Mountain 19: Dance like nobodys watching, Sing like nobody can hear, and smile like I know a secret. Check check check. This ws one of my favorites...

Mountain 20: Post a before and a now pic. Sighs.. ok here it comes. .we will do this one together:

Before Thanksgiving Day 321 lbs:

Yesterday (at the Circus.. do you get the red nose now?) 246 lbs:

Ok I did it. I posted it. Mountain knocked down. Does anyone else see it.. am I crazy? You can see it right? If not. will you lie to me.. please.

Little Mountains to climb

I don't have one big mountain to climb. I have a set of about 60 little bitty mountains, and that is where I am at. I want to climb each mountain as I come to it. Here are my first 10:

Mountain 1: My black jeans-I just wanted them to fit. One month in THEY fit. And I am down the other side.

Mountain 2: Complete a 30 day workout, I did. And I went down the mountain again.

Mountain 3: Take a picture of myself, I have. I am still too chicken to share. What if you guys don't see it, and think I am nuts? Yep, thats my mind. But can I get a point for taking the picture. I just gotta go down the hill.

Mountain 4: Giving away all the 30/32s in my closet. I did it. Goodbye. Adios. Au Revoir. There you go down that mountain.

Mountain 5: Put on a pair of pants with no elastic in the waist.. done. No stretch, no elastic. And they fit.. WELL. Mountain.. kiss my heiney.

Mountain 6: Lose the inhabitions in the bedroom, I know. WTF?! you have six kids! I know I know. .but I kept thinking he doesnt find me attractive. I am slowly realizing to Chuck, I was always fine but now I am just getting better. :o)~ hubba hubba,.. mountain six.. oh yea baby.

Mountain 7: Keep track of my points for 30 days in a row, don't lie. Just do it. Check check check... I have kept going.. and its awesome. Down that mountain I go.

Mountain 8: post my real weight, I have done that. It holds me accountable. I am proud of myself. I have LONG ways to go but I am proud of it. My mountain ROCKS :o)~

Mountain 9: Try something new, I have done that. I have tried manythings and happily admit that for the most part of have liked everything. I have coonquered that mountain.

Mountain 10: Today, I have a shirt in my closet. It is the last shirt my dad bought me. My Dad died 10 years ago, and no matter how much weight I gained, I would NOT get rid of this eeyore shirt. No way no chance. Today, I am wearing my shirt. Today, my shirt fits and my dad is smiling down at the top of my mountain. Proud? You betcha. Mountain conquered.. you bet your ASS.

So, my mountains are falling 10 are gone, 50 to go. What will we do next? who knows. My 5K mountain is still out there, but I still want to do it. There are so many to climb, so many to get over. But so much confidence to do just that.

Life

This is not a lecture, this is not a lecture instead it is more of a self help pep talk. For me. As you guys all know, and if you don't why are you reading this? I started Weight watchers in January at a whopping 321 lbs. I am now at 246 lbs and still a WAY WAY WAY WAY from being fit. I should be ashamed of myself for even posting that number on here, but to me at this point that is progress. And progress is something that a) I am incredibly proud of and b) people around me are proud of.

So, as I sit here still fat, I can finally admit that I got to that point that I needed a wake up call. The fact is I am not getting any younger, if anything each day I wake up and take a breath I am that much older then the day before. So, why now am I thinking of mortality? Yesterday, I found out a classmate of mine died of a massive heart attack. While we were never "friendly" in school (and to be honest at times he was a little over the top for me--I was a bit of a nerd. I would be amazed if more then 40 people remembered me from my senior class seriously...) I was not a jock, I did do flag corps (which sort of cemented the dork title), I was friendly but scared to death, but I was me and really did not care if you loved me or spoke crap about me behind my back. My point for myself was that I was a good person, I wasn't one of those people who got thrills from hurting people and if anyone--even an enemy--needed something I was your girl.

I am off track-forgive me. Back to my classmate, at 39 years old this man is now gone due to a massive heart attack. I am sad that the dash on his tombstone for his life is so small, 39 years is just when life starts. I am sad that (from the unconfirmed stories I have heard) the last few years of his life have not been a picnic. I am sad that it took something like this to shake me to the core to realize that life IS short, and tomorrow is not promised. That 2010 is epic because in 2011 when I turn 40 I want to know life is JUST starting not ending. I have lived a life full of memories and love, I have lived a good life, but I have not had a complete life. Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

Rest in Peace Jeff 1970-2010, may Heaven shine a little brighter thanks to your smile.

Winners!! winners!!

How I love winners!! :o)~ Well, I love those of you who didn't win too, thank you for entering. .I was shocked to see 18 people enter. And without further adieu I give you my winners, those of you who have won, please send me your addresses to Gbrksfan@aol.com and your prize will be mailed by Wednesday of this week:

Thanks to Random.org, I am happy to report that number 3 and number 14 are my winners!!

They are:

ohhhfire said... i like the sour patch kids and i tweeted about this giveaway (@ohhhfire)ohhhhfire@hotmail.com

and

March 31, 2010 11:04 AM Megan: said... I love sour patch kids...really they are the best!

Thank you to both of you for entering, and thanks to everyone for entering!! I am so very excited to send these boxes out :o)~ I hope you guys will enjoy the goodies inside and come back and tell us if you did :o)~