Approaching 100.

When I stepped on the scale this week, I realized that I am slowly approaching the 100 lbs mark. I am five lbs away from it. The anxiety filled and anxious side of me says "WOOOHOOO its coming!" The glass is half empty side of me says "well so what? you are still over 200 lbs!" The glass is half full says "but nearly six months into this diet, you have DONE it. You kept a New Years resolution!! You dropped from a snug size 32 all the way down to a loose 22, and THAT is something to be proud of!" So I guess, yea at this point I can say that.

I am still drinking water like a champion, I am still eating the right things, weighing things and counting things. I have not been as diligent at working out but even that is getting back on track. I have faced depression in the face, and while it has tackled me sometimes other days I just laugh in its face. You see, I am a emotionally fueled eater, if my emotions are in the toilet I eat like there is no tomorrow. I eat like I am starving to death, and I seriously can not help myself. The worst I have done since my ex husband has lost his job was attack some M&M's like fat good at a buffet. (ok it was like 30 of them.. but I know it could have been so much worse).

So as I approach this giant milestone, what do I do? At 50 lbs my husband bought me an ipod and I started to walk more. At 100 lbs, I plan to walk my first 5K, I plan to keep up with my eating changes, and I plan to keep on keeping on. I have finally figured out that I like getting up in the morning without feeling lethargic and sick because my high blood pressure pumped so hard all night. I like that I can walk through the grocery store without needing to sit down. I like that today I DOVE into the pool and got nearly half way across the deep end before I had to come up for air. Last year as soon as I dove I had to resurface, last year I honestly wondered how many lbs the life guard could lift if push came to shove.

Yup time's are changing, and I think i can finally say for the better.

Avoiding the arms of Mr Hershey...

Throughout my life, whenever things get stressful I would head to the cabinets to make it all better. The last time I was on this diet adventure, I found out my ex husband had an affair and sat down and ate an entire bag of Honey Mustard pretzels (a family size bag). I get stressed out and you can hear "May day! May day!!" As I am going out of control and losing it fast. My problem is not that I love food, my problem is that at the first sign of stress or worry I eat, and I eat like there is no tomorrow. My ex is unemployed (again) and with this latest trip to the unemployment line comes more stress (ugh!) .. and that's not all...

My husband has been doing this journey with me, but for all basic purposes he has hit his goal weight and he is done. He seems to have lately stopped measuring stuff at meals, eating regularly but still cautiously but he forgets sometimes that I am SO far from my goal and need the measuring. Without it, I am out of control. And while I do know that he is not responsible for weighing and measuring what I eat, his support before was awesome.

I have a bunch of stress in my life right now, thanks to that stress I open the cabinets and see my good choice snacks right next to the bad choices. While I know that grabbing the bad ones is wrong and stupid, there are moments when I am weak and I just want a moment to forget the issues. But I am opening up a whole new can of worms. I have felt myself getting lazier when it comes to working out. I am in a rut and I need some help, I need to pull myself back out of this and fast!

Suggestions are open and appreciated

Survival of the fittest

I am not fit. Let's face it, I am still pudgy and jiggly. But I am working on it, and that is still something I am proud of. That being said, have you ever been out walking and seen the really teeny tiny girls out running or exercising? And while you are out there with them, its hard to not watch them and think "oh yea I can do this" But then as they run away you notice there is no jiggle in their step. Damn.

I mean I hope when they strip at night they at least have cellulite or stretch marks. Because I am out here busting my tail......and I have stretch marks and my cellulite has cellulite. But get this part straight I am OUT there. And it makes me wonder if as I walk my extra few steps are these same ladies thinking "Well check her out" Let's hope so shall we? And if you are one of those skinny girls and are reading this... can you guys at least do us chunky girls a favor and find something to jiggle.. .that's all we ask.

A bucket list- the diet version

A very dear and wonderful friend of mine, (yes Susan I mean you) suggested this blog to me. And I could not help but decide that this week as things are well eh is a good time for this list. If you are unfamiliar with what a Bucket list is, I will explain. A bucket list is the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. For me, this list is more going to be a yearly bucket

To be completed by January 1, 2011...

1) I will walk a 5K (running is ambitious, walking is realistic)
2) I will lost 100 lbs (I am at 81 lbs if I don't lose 19 in the next 7 months I will be unhappy!)
3) I will buy something in a size XL not 2X or 3X
4) I will try new vegetables and not proclaim them yucky before I do.
5) I will push my comfort zone
6) I will work my way through the hungry girl cookbooks
7) I will NOT keep clothes that do not fit, I will pass them on.
8) I will put on a pair of shoes that can qualify as "hot"
9) Ok I will wear said shoes too.
10) I will continue on this path, avoiding the one of self destruction I was on
11) I will write thank you letters to those who have helped me along my way.

the fact is most of this list is easy, but others are not so easy. I am afraid to leave my comfort zone. I have long been convinced that the world is laughing at me, mostly because of my size. I am proud of what I have accomplished and determined to keep on chugging! Thanks to those who have been there, I appreciate you more than you will ever know!

Funny Friday :o)~

I need a laugh and some of these helped:

Ok I may have a warped sense of humor, but I hope someone besides me smiled from these. Have a great Friday. :o)~

Rationalizig the irrational.

I can admit (finally) that I am overweight because of years of body abuse. There truly is no other way to say it. Nobody forced me to eat the junk food, I did it because well quite honestly it tasted good and I liked it. The fact is, given the choice, most people will reach for the cupcake as opposed to reaching out for the granola. The fact is, we are what we eat and for a long time I was sugar and crap. (maybe thats what made me so sweet).

I used to wake up and start eating, my choices were never healthy. I was a junkfood and soda aholic, in the worst sense of the word. I used to drink 90+ ounces of Dr Pepper a day, I never drank water except when I had to. Now, I have not had a Dr Pepper since January 3rd, not even a sip! Ok that is a lie. I have had Diet Dr Pepper, because well its 0 calories and I can. But otherwise I drink water and iced tea (No not omg sweet tea.. iced tea)

I think of every meal item, every menu and every thing that will go in or near my mouth each day. Why? because if I don't I will eat everything. Today for instance breakfast consisted of frosted mini wheats, 1/2 cup of 2% milk. Lunch was Potatoes (leftover from dinner last night... baked 1 cup), with 1 TBSP of hummus mixed in (5 points). I will be eating a cup of grapefruit (2 pts) in a few minutes but as of right now I am good. I am not starving... I am not wishing for more food. I am content. Previously, this would not have happened. Previously, I would have been convinced I was starving and eat more. Not necessarily out of hunger but out of boredom. I eat when I am bored, if I keep busy.. I don't eat. Emily and I went outside a bit ago and walked around the block, not a long walk but it is 75 degrees and gorgeous, she sat and I pushed my little diva (complete with Shades).

These changes have saved my life, I my live to see my grandchildren. In January, that was severely something I questioned. I have lost 81 lbs, and while I still have at LEAST another 80 to go, I believe I can do it . I no longer rationalize that food is my friend, I know we can be friends we just have to do it on my terms.

Mother may I....

Surely growing up, everyone at one point or another played Mother may I. I have learned recently that dieting is nothing more than a game of Mother may I. For those of you (Who grew up under a rock or in a sheltered life) who are unfamiliar with Mother may I these are the rules "one person is the Mother" She gives suggestions such as "Mother says take two steps forward" to which you reply "mother may I?" And the answer "yes you may" if you fail to ask you have to go backwards.

In my world Weight Watchers has become Mother and I am pleading for steps forward. A typical day in our house:

"Mother, may I please eat hummus and melba toast for two points?"

"yes you may" Two steps forward.

"Can I have the Mr Goodbar that is taunting me in the cabinet"

"No you may not" One step backwards.

"Mother, may I please have 1/4 cup of chocolate chips for 1 point"

"Yes you may" Two steps forward.

"Can I skip the water and drink something else"

"Heavens no.. " one step backwards

"Mother may I workout on the Wii?"

"Yes you may!!" Two steps forward

May I curse at the trainer?

"No you may not" one step backward (Stupid discipline!)

And while I can make jokes about this, the fact of it is.. this time I have seen more steps forward. I hope that continues and I hope that I can continue to keep my feet going. I just have to remember to ask Mother if I may.

Life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Life is funny no? We spend all our time going through our life in the "time to make the doughnuts" fashion. We get up, we move through the day, and we go to bed. Life for the most part has the same few notions, we just work our way through the day. Seldom do we remember to take some me time, because let's face it.. who has time?

So in the past few months, I have regained my life. I am not talking about my metephorical life, instead I am speaking of years on my life. When I started this I was on Blood pressure meds in December my blood pressure at one point was 191/105. I am only 38 years old. That is crazy in major ways! By losing this weight I have gained years back on my life. I ran up stairs last night. I have not run in so long I was shocked I did it.

Liberty because I have the ability to do things that were impossible before, I can catch up with my 2 year old. in December that was not a possibility, such a BIG difference in my world. I am liberated and able to do things that a few months ago were not possible. This matters to me!

Pursuit of happiness, obvious. Iam happier. Iam not struggling to move, my body no longer hurts. This is a difference and obviously a happy one. Thank Goodness we are heading to this point. Thank Goodness after so long, I can say that I smile and mean it :o)~

That dreaded 5K

So, if you have been following me, and not just because I have given two great giveaways (btw will the people with the 1000 calorie boxes please email me or I will have to give your prizes to someone else.. thanks!) I have been fighting this dreaded 5K. I want to do one, I know I am fully capable of doing one, but at the same point there are a few things holding me back:

1) Money. Most of them require you pay an enterance fee, right now that is not possible for me to do. While I can justify that it is for a good cause, the bottom line is I don't have the extra to spare.

2) I am afraid of failing in front of thousands of people. What happens if I make the effort and I fail? What would that do for my esteem? I know I know it makes no sense. But no matter how much weight I lose I will always be that fat person trying to get out. The fact is, while I am brave on the exterior I am a chicken on the inside.

3) Time. See, Chuck has drill, the kids have activities.. and everytime one pops up.. ok who are we kidding this is another excuse.

So, I got to thinking (did you all see the smoke? I know you did) that maybe instead of walking one that is set, what is wrong with me walking one with some friends? Maybe try and get some friends together and walk a 5K, no rush no hurry just some friends supporting each other in a walk. It is truly not a matter of knowing whether or not I can do it, its finding the inspiration to get it done.

I will be 39 on June 7, and I have never done anything that will require something so physical from myself (I used to use the Asthma card in PE to get out of the 600, how is that for honest?). I am not against doing this, I just need some help. Is there anyone who wants to help me take this journey? Walk a 5K with me, and if and ONLY if someone wants to donate to a jar we will give the money to CHERUBS - The Association of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Research Awarenes. This is the horrible disease that took my son Matthew and maybe with some inspiration I can say part of me is doing this walk for him in what would have been his 20th year.

Once one, two or three people say they want to join me, we will pick a date and get going. So, anyone wanna help a girl out?

Mountains 21-30

It seems to me like these mountains are getting bigger. I have not conquered all of them or anywhere close to them. But I do have a few more so let's see what I can answer:

Mountain 21- Participate in a blog or group about weight loss, hope to help someone out. Ok I think thats a double check i have this and I have a FB group now. Go me.

Mountain 22- Make more meals at home then out of the house--huge check off. We eat nearly every meal at home and the best part is I know the cooks and I know what is going inside the meal. This is working up and down the mountain.

Mountain 23- Create a menu for meals at home, not just for me but for the family, stick to them. We have been doing this since January and it has worked for us. We found out a few things 1) I love my stove 2) the kids seem to prefer homemade over store bought.. who knew??

Mountain 24- Wear my bathing to the beach and not cringe thinking someone behind me is making whale noises. So mastered that mountain. Three times now!!

Mountain 25- help a friend start their weight loss journey. I have done this mountain, I have friends who ask "What are you doing? how are you doing it?" and I have asnwered. its been great too!!

Mountain 26- working out even when I didnt feel the desire. This is a huge mountain for me. moving and I are not friends, so getting up and just doing it (I feel like the nike symbol) is huge for me. Mountain is now a hill.

Mountain 27-Changing my attitude, this one is a work in progress. I am at the top of the mountain.. I am just trying to coast down.

Mountain 28- Taking on new challenges. Prior to my lifestyle change I would never have even entertained the idea of walking or exercising. These new challenges have changed me.. and this mountain had its tail kicked.

Mountain 29- When angry or sad, working out not eating. This one is huge . I am an emotional eater.. things get me going. I eat.. now I work out. I like this much better!!

Mountain 30- Beans,veggies and other things previously deemed yucky are not yucky! I even made the black bean brownies (odd but good)

10 more mountains conquered but tomorrow we will start on the ones that I need to get to.. wish me luck...

Mountains 11-20

As I sit here tonight, I have the song "Ain't no mountain high enough" running through my head. This has been a wild week, and a wild ride. Am I insane? No, I promise I am not.. cuckoo for cocoa puffs though.. you betcha. Let's get back to my mountains shall we?

Mountain 11: Learning to not live to eat, but instead to eat to live. I eat but I eat in small amounts and it works for me. I do what I need to do. Mountain is now dust!

Mountain 12: Confront my fears... I wore a mini skirt last week. My first since high school. yes, I did ask everyone who walked by if my hind parts were hanging out but I WORE it!! Mountain is down one more level.

Mountain 13: Getting rid of the clothes that I outgrew. I got rid of (so far 5 trashbags and 3 boxes) Progress? You betcha. will I be wearing a barrel soon? You betcha.

Mountain 14: Walk more than 1 mile. DONE you hear me.. DONE! Mountain obliterated... damn I am good.

Mountain 15: Restraint on a holiday. I didn't eat everything that wasn't nailed down on Easter. I still have half my chocolate bunny left. Up and over I go!

Mountain 16: Find a release for my energy.... oh yeah I have.. :oP I now walk, workout, exercise. play with my kids. I MOVE and I love it! That Mountain is dusted

Mountain 17: Lose my "Why are they laughing at me" paranoia. I have always felt the world is giggling at me. Now, I hold my head up and I walk. I can do it. Yes Sir I can! mountain is hit!

Mountain 18: Buy something cute and have the balls to wear it. Ahem this is my favorite and I so conquered it.

Mountain 19: Dance like nobodys watching, Sing like nobody can hear, and smile like I know a secret. Check check check. This ws one of my favorites...

Mountain 20: Post a before and a now pic. Sighs.. ok here it comes. .we will do this one together:

Before Thanksgiving Day 321 lbs:

Yesterday (at the Circus.. do you get the red nose now?) 246 lbs:

Ok I did it. I posted it. Mountain knocked down. Does anyone else see it.. am I crazy? You can see it right? If not. will you lie to me.. please.

Little Mountains to climb

I don't have one big mountain to climb. I have a set of about 60 little bitty mountains, and that is where I am at. I want to climb each mountain as I come to it. Here are my first 10:

Mountain 1: My black jeans-I just wanted them to fit. One month in THEY fit. And I am down the other side.

Mountain 2: Complete a 30 day workout, I did. And I went down the mountain again.

Mountain 3: Take a picture of myself, I have. I am still too chicken to share. What if you guys don't see it, and think I am nuts? Yep, thats my mind. But can I get a point for taking the picture. I just gotta go down the hill.

Mountain 4: Giving away all the 30/32s in my closet. I did it. Goodbye. Adios. Au Revoir. There you go down that mountain.

Mountain 5: Put on a pair of pants with no elastic in the waist.. done. No stretch, no elastic. And they fit.. WELL. Mountain.. kiss my heiney.

Mountain 6: Lose the inhabitions in the bedroom, I know. WTF?! you have six kids! I know I know. .but I kept thinking he doesnt find me attractive. I am slowly realizing to Chuck, I was always fine but now I am just getting better. :o)~ hubba hubba,.. mountain six.. oh yea baby.

Mountain 7: Keep track of my points for 30 days in a row, don't lie. Just do it. Check check check... I have kept going.. and its awesome. Down that mountain I go.

Mountain 8: post my real weight, I have done that. It holds me accountable. I am proud of myself. I have LONG ways to go but I am proud of it. My mountain ROCKS :o)~

Mountain 9: Try something new, I have done that. I have tried manythings and happily admit that for the most part of have liked everything. I have coonquered that mountain.

Mountain 10: Today, I have a shirt in my closet. It is the last shirt my dad bought me. My Dad died 10 years ago, and no matter how much weight I gained, I would NOT get rid of this eeyore shirt. No way no chance. Today, I am wearing my shirt. Today, my shirt fits and my dad is smiling down at the top of my mountain. Proud? You betcha. Mountain conquered.. you bet your ASS.

So, my mountains are falling 10 are gone, 50 to go. What will we do next? who knows. My 5K mountain is still out there, but I still want to do it. There are so many to climb, so many to get over. But so much confidence to do just that.

Life

This is not a lecture, this is not a lecture instead it is more of a self help pep talk. For me. As you guys all know, and if you don't why are you reading this? I started Weight watchers in January at a whopping 321 lbs. I am now at 246 lbs and still a WAY WAY WAY WAY from being fit. I should be ashamed of myself for even posting that number on here, but to me at this point that is progress. And progress is something that a) I am incredibly proud of and b) people around me are proud of.

So, as I sit here still fat, I can finally admit that I got to that point that I needed a wake up call. The fact is I am not getting any younger, if anything each day I wake up and take a breath I am that much older then the day before. So, why now am I thinking of mortality? Yesterday, I found out a classmate of mine died of a massive heart attack. While we were never "friendly" in school (and to be honest at times he was a little over the top for me--I was a bit of a nerd. I would be amazed if more then 40 people remembered me from my senior class seriously...) I was not a jock, I did do flag corps (which sort of cemented the dork title), I was friendly but scared to death, but I was me and really did not care if you loved me or spoke crap about me behind my back. My point for myself was that I was a good person, I wasn't one of those people who got thrills from hurting people and if anyone--even an enemy--needed something I was your girl.

I am off track-forgive me. Back to my classmate, at 39 years old this man is now gone due to a massive heart attack. I am sad that the dash on his tombstone for his life is so small, 39 years is just when life starts. I am sad that (from the unconfirmed stories I have heard) the last few years of his life have not been a picnic. I am sad that it took something like this to shake me to the core to realize that life IS short, and tomorrow is not promised. That 2010 is epic because in 2011 when I turn 40 I want to know life is JUST starting not ending. I have lived a life full of memories and love, I have lived a good life, but I have not had a complete life. Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

Rest in Peace Jeff 1970-2010, may Heaven shine a little brighter thanks to your smile.

Winners!! winners!!

How I love winners!! :o)~ Well, I love those of you who didn't win too, thank you for entering. .I was shocked to see 18 people enter. And without further adieu I give you my winners, those of you who have won, please send me your addresses to Gbrksfan@aol.com and your prize will be mailed by Wednesday of this week:

Thanks to Random.org, I am happy to report that number 3 and number 14 are my winners!!

They are:

ohhhfire said... i like the sour patch kids and i tweeted about this giveaway (@ohhhfire)ohhhhfire@hotmail.com

and

March 31, 2010 11:04 AM Megan: said... I love sour patch kids...really they are the best!

Thank you to both of you for entering, and thanks to everyone for entering!! I am so very excited to send these boxes out :o)~ I hope you guys will enjoy the goodies inside and come back and tell us if you did :o)~

The good, the bad and the filling.

I constantly get asked what hungry girl recipes are my favorite, which ones I haven't liked or which ones are now my staples. I started to put this in a FB post but quite frankly it was just too many characters. (ok sue me. I talk. alot). Btw my blog title is um a fraud.. there is no bad in these books, or if there is I have not found it. I love it all. Filling? Oh thats all of them too!!

So without further adieu... here they are by book and page number

These are from this cookbook:

Eggs bene-chick page 26--delicious and filling

My big fat greek pita page 70- yum

mexitato page 86- yummmooo

hot diggity chili dog page 111

hg's depudged pigs in a blanket p 142 -a classic that is hungry girled.. win win

rockin lean bean casserole page 152.. I heard angels.. just sayin'

dreamy chocolate peanut butter fudge page 171- delish!!

snazzy blueberry scones--page 210 I made them with mini chocolate chips.. yumo!

cookie-irifc ice cream freeze page 239--heaven

------------------------------------------------------

These are from this cookbook:

gooey cinnamon rolls with cream cheese icing page 36--holy cow batman.
hakuna fritatta page 50-We bonded over lent..
snazzy spanish omelette page 60-this is just fabulous
sassy southwestern eggrolls page 94--this is what brought me and HG together
mexican bean and cheese dip page 126- fab
nacho-average tortilla chips-page 129 ironically I made these today.. yummy
ez tomato basil chicken-page138- we love this one!
lean bbean and cheese enchiladas page 168
turkey reuben quesadilla-page170 we put this on sandwich thins but so good!
joe cool java freeze page 188 just like Starbucks I swear
pepperminit chocolate chip freeze page 195- holy cow
pina colada smoothie-page 202 this is just amazingly yummy
red velvet insanity cupcakes page 209--the kids didnt realize they were good for them
chocolate marshmallow madness cupcakes page 211- see above message
chewy smores snack mix page 251 yummmmmmmmmm and it lasts
gimme gimme smores sandwich page 260 love it
Vanilla thrilla coffee float-page 263 delish
---------------------------------------------
And this is the most recent one:

This is the newest book, now we have not made LOTS of stuff but we do have a pretty decent little group of stuff so here we go:

Shrimp and grits for hungry chicks page 44- so amazingly good
planet hungry wood sweet and capn crunchy chicken page 54-this may or may not be good but I am sure we will love it. we are making it tonight
chicken enchilada casserole-page 66 my pickiest eater had two bowls
egg mug florentine-page 72 this is our secret. I didnt tell Chuck I made this. shh
creamed corn cheese bites page 102- sooo good!
slammin slaw-page 114- we love coleslaw. we LOVE LOVe LOVE this
queen of the castle sliders page 134- soo good and filling!!
easy oven baked smores stuffed bananas page 166-I didnt expect to love this. but i did
corndog millionaire muffins page 250 oh my
holy moly cannoli cones page 258 if you only listen to me one time. .let it be now
overstuffed peanut butter n banana french toast page 288- did you just choirs of angels. oh I did.. believe me. I did.

And there we have it... there will be more I am sure in the next few days/weeks. I love these books and I love her recipes.. if you google them most of them do pop up. If you have the books there are the page numbers :o)~ Enjoy!!

The Twilight zone of dieting.

Picture if you will, a woman starting off at 321 lbs... she can not squeeze herself into her size 30/32's anymore, she can not walk up six steps into her house without being out of breath and she is cutting her life to ribbons just by continuing bad habits. Enter Weight Watchers, suddenly the woman realizes that she can do it! She can lose the weight and she can (incredibly) walk up those steps. She loses sizes first the 30's leave, then the 28's, then the 26's and now most of the 24's are gone. That's right you have entered the Twilight zone of dieting.

Ok, that may sound dramatic, but as I weigh myself and I see 73 lbs gone, all I can think of is "This is not happening." Forget the fact that I can't wear clothes I have worn for years. Forget the fact that I no longer am found at 3 AM opening a fresh Dr Pepper to get a sip of something to drink. I still wonder how long this will last. Things have changed but I still have that 321 person standing to my left, trying despeartely to get my attention. She REALLY wants the Dr Pepper and the Big Macs but the side of me that knows that is reckless and insane and really not worth the points won't do it.

I know there will be a plateau. I know that I will hit a coasting point, but right now I am enjoying the ride. I am enjoying that I have bought two SUPER cute skirts to wear and one is a size I have not worn in 14 years! It is a size 22, although I am constantly asking my poor kids if it looks alright. I have determination that can not be matched, but yet I still have this fear that I am gonna fail.

I am looking at 5K's and even a half marathon, my plan is to walk. At some point I will run them but right now walking is where I need to be. I need to not put the horse before the cart and just do it. I know I can. I have the confidence that is just unfathomable, I know that I have the worlds greatest support system.

Just if this is the Twlight Zone, can we not let Rod Sterling show up yet.. I am kind of enjoying this ride.

My how things change.

Last year as my kids were home on spring break, I remember sleeping til 11 AM every day and getting up to sit on the couch. We would feed the kids whatever was in the cabinet and I would eat right along with them. Now, we are here, and now i am thinking of my lunch and what I eat. I have made some new discoveries on this journey of mine and the difference in points as well as the diffrence in smart decisions have taken over my life.

Gone are the days of shoveling the contents of the kids baskets in my mouth, only to blame the dog or anyone but myself. I have this shocking self control, one that I did not think was inside of me...boy was I wrong! 100 calorie snacks fill my cabinets, I bought SIX boxes of girl scout cookies in February--1 BOX has been openned the others are still there! Ae you kidding me?!!?

I will not bore you with what I have eaten but I will tell you what I am making tons of changes all of which have been beneficial to me and my life.. ok JUST one:

Jif Peanut butter 190 calories, 16 grams of fat and 2 grams of fiber. Then I found Better N Peanut butter 100 calories, 2 grams of fat and 2 grams of fiber. OMG! that is 2 points as opposed to 5 points! WHOA!! and the taste is yummy and tastes exactly the same!! So good!! Last year I would have turned my nose up at it.. now i am glad I didn't. Yep, times sure are a changing!!

Spring break and snacking.

Today, ok technically Friday at 2:30 PM, spring break began. With spring breaks comes me rushing to the store to buy what I call "quick" lunches. Ya know the ones I am talking about: Corn dogs, hot pockets, those sort of diet killers. Yep, I bought them. I also bought lunch meat, sandwich thins, and many other things to keep me on the right track. I managed to go through the entire day with eating only ONE Reeses Peanut butter egg. Last year I ate a bag....by myself.

Normally, the goal of spring break is to sit in the house and eat yourself stupid. We are having days in the 80's and that is NOT going to happen this year. I am taking the whole gaggle of clowns out of the house to avoid that temptation. Temptation is after all, the root of all evil. I know for me, I can see where things have changed. I am no longer fighting off the desire to eat an entire can of forsting in one sitting. I just don't want it.

I told myself yesterday I was not going to count points, by the end of the day.. I had counted points and I had come out on top. I won. I survived my first holiday on a diet and it was easy. I think spring break will be the same thing, tonight I am making a HG enchilada casserole for dinner. Those who don't (or won't) eat that are going to have are having hamburger helper. It does not bother me to make an additional meal because leftovers become lunch. Not such a bad deal, ya know?

I am going to make up a bunch of the Hungry girl snack mix suggestions and I will store them for me and or the kids. If they want them than sure why not? If not they will be here for me. I am determined to survive spring break... one way or the other.. If I can't keep my sanity I can at least keep my diet in check :o)~

Picture this...

Easter.. in the house of a dieter. Easter ya know the holiday that definitely is ABOUT the fact that Christ is risen, but also has underlying tones such as Reeses peanut butter oh my God in heaven eggs. holy spumoni batman!! You have to understand me.. I can sit down and eat these in a one sitting.. NO, not one.. a BAG of them. I love them. I love them sometimes more than my kids. (they are always sweet the kids well er um.. yea you get me..)

So I wake up this morning to have a chocolate bunny thrust at my nose "Eat Mommy" from the 2 year old. No thank you baby was the reply... and she left dejected. Was it possible that I just turned down chocolate? Was it possible that I turned HER down with said chocolate" Yep, sure is.

Fast Forward-there is chocolate all over the house, there is chocolate all over the faces, there is chocolate and jelly beans and malted eggs and so many more things. Strong? I am trying.. weak.. you betcha.

We are getting ready to eat lunch and head to the beach, mostly because if we don't eat something soon, I am going to make out with the basket of Easter goodies.. Go ahead think I am kidding. I am so not. Lunch is WW pork tenderloin, Crash hot potatoes and (TOTALLY revamped) broccoli casserole. I can do this. Its not gonna be easy.. but I can.

I already told Chuck I am not counting points today. I then leand over to him and whispered 'four' as in that is how many I have used. There is no use, I am going to count points. Tonight I am making a REAL cake....with REAL frosting. am I insane nope I am willing to go ahead and have my cake, and I am gonna eat it too.

Happy Easter everyone. :o)~

Who wears short shorts??

Ok you have all heard the commercial years ago for Nair "Who wears short shorts... we wear short shorts!" No no, I am not there yet but last week I bought both a pair of jean shorts and a jean skirt. Last summer I wore a size 4X in shorts this week I bought a size 22/24 in JEAN shorts. YA know where they have no elastic give and a button and zipper! It may not seem like much but you have to consider where I have come from.

I have decided that while I thought this was going to be so hard and so challenging it really isn't. One reason I have failed so many times is becuase I can not come up with creative meal ideas. I swear to you, I live in the kitchen now. I have eaten more veggies in the past three months then I have most of my life and I LOVE them.

Do I still envy the girls who can eat anything and still be a size 0.. YES! but only because that is NOT normal or fair! let's face it I may never be a size 0, but I would be happy in my own skin if I got out of the 20s and into the teens. I can see it happening, and thats pretty exciting. So forgive me if you will but I am pretty excited to sing "who wears shorts?" "I wear shorts!!" :o)~